As most of you know, I’m a football coach.
I coached at the college level and was a head coach or coordinator at the high school level for a decade.
It’s in my blood.
I come from a small town where football is king.
You are expected to play from birth, and it’s an honor to get the jersey number worn by your brothers, uncles, cousins, etc.
I was taught from a young age, “Football is what you are supposed to do.”
The world says we are supposed to do a lot of things, doesn’t it?
- You are supposed to go to college.
- You are supposed to go get a job, working 9 to 5 for someone else.
- You are supposed to get into debt up to your eyeballs and buy a house, two cars, etc.
Just like my town taught “you were born here, you are supposed to play football.”
So the other day I took Isaac to sign up for flag football.
I was excited.
My boy was finally old enough to play the game I loved. I dreamed of coaching him someday and was excited to see him out on the field.
This is what he was supposed to do, after all.
The problem was when we got there, Isaac threw a fit.
He screamed, sat down, and flat out told me, “No, I’m not playing football, I don’t like football, I don’t ever want to play!”
I was disappointed, even embarrassed.
Here I am, a football coach and my own son was totally going crazy on me about playing football!
I took him over by the fence and had him watch the other boys try out for a bit.
“See Isaac, doesn’t that look fun?” I asked.
“NO, Daddy, take me home. Please take me home, I don’t like football. Why do I have to play?”
At that moment I could have said any number of things, but the words that came out of my mouth were:
“Because son, that’s what everyone here does, and that is what you are supposed to do… that’s just the way it is!”
Whoa…wait…what?!?!
As soon as I said it, I realized how hypocritical it sounded.
I mean… that’s what people told me my whole life.
Do what you are supposed to do.
Go to school. Go to work.
Live this way, that’s how life is…hard, debt, no time…its just the way it is, nothing you can do about it!
But the thing is, that’s just not the truth.
Life doesn’t have to be the way, “it’s supposed to be.”
In 2012, Jocelyn and I decided to change our lives.
We decided to do what WE wanted to do, not what everyone else thought we should do.
We got sick of working for other people.
We got sick of the world telling us what our priorities should be and how we should spend our time.
So we did the very things people said we were not supposed to do!
We found a way to make money online, and we were able to quit our 9 to 5 jobs!
We found the freedom to choose our own destiny, instead of our lives being dictated to us by the expectations of others.
People called us irresponsible, told us we had “flipped out” when we quit our jobs.
“But you have good jobs, you might never get them back!” they said.
“It’s a tough economy, you are lucky to have the jobs you do!” they said.
“What if you fail? You have so much security. You are supposed to play it safe!” they said.
Jocelyn and I stopped doing what we were “supposed to do” and started living life on our own terms.
We did what we wanted to do, we bucked the status quo.
We even teach other people that they can do the same!
And here I was, telling my own son… you have to do what you are supposed to do. You have to meet the status quo. You have to work when they say work, go when they say go, play what they say to play.
I looked down at Isaac, he had tears running down his cheek.
I knelt down beside him, picked him up and started walking back to the car.
I was still disappointed, even mad that I wouldn’t get to watch him play flag football, but I knew I couldn’t make him play if he didn’t want to.
On the way home, we got stopped at a red light. I turned and asked, “Isaac, what do you like to do?”
He responded without a thought, “I like to swim, Daddy.”
The next day we took Isaac to our local gym and signed him up for a swim team that meets on Mondays and Thursdays.
Not a travel team, more a swimming club than anything else.
But they learn technique, race each other, and have tons of fun.
I was still a little disappointed on the way to swim practice because I wanted to watch Isaac play football.
Sometime in the future, he might want to try football, but that time is not now.
And if he ever does it will be because he wants to, not because I made him… or because the world pressured him into it.
The disappointment is totally forgotten now.
Isaac is so happy at swim practice. And so am I! I love to watch him practice his laps and learn new strokes. I’ve always loved to swim for exercise, and now I can enjoy it with Isaac as he gets better in the pool.
I’m so glad that I didn’t make Isaac play football.
I can’t imagine him being out there, doing something he hated just because that’s what he was “supposed” to do.
It makes me think of the years I spent working for other people. Did I hate my jobs? No.
But did I constantly dream of doing something different with my life?
Absolutely!
So the moral of my experience with trying to get Isaac to play football is this:
The world is wrong folks.
You don’t have to do what you are supposed to do, no matter what “they” say!
If you are sick of where you are, you CAN move!
If you are not making enough money, you CAN make more!
If you don’t like where you work, you CAN find another job!
You just have to find the courage to make it happen and ignore the voices telling you that you can’t.
Life is too short to do things you don’t want to do, or get stuck in a career someone else decided was good for you.
You are not stuck in that job, you can make more money, and you can do what you want to do.
Will it be a challenge? Yes. Will you disappoint some people? Probably.
Will it take time and sacrifice? 100%.
Will people call you crazy? Ha! You have no idea!
The bottom line is this…You don’t have to do what you don’t want to do!
It’s your life.
If you like to swim, then don’t play football…swim!
Today’s question is the same one I asked Isaac in the car, “What do you want to do?”
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If you have comments or questions, please be sure to leave them below in the comment section of this post. See y’all next week!
Douglas Andrews says
I want to quit my job! I have been a successful retail manager for 30 years. Time to move on and I am following your plan! I hope to get in your e-course, maybe next time. Keep up the great work and information!
Shane Sams says
We still have a few spots in the next session Douglas, we would love to have you! https://flippedlifestyle.com/flipyourlife
Samantha says
Hey Douglas, there’s no time like the present! I’ve just joined also and there’s a lovely bunch of men and women in the FB group already helping each other take steps forward. Come join us! 🙂
Hope to see you in there.
Cheers,
Sam
Terence Pera says
I can relate with that, of all the years of working for somebody else i finally is working for myself because that’s what i want to do.
Shane thank you for a beautiful article, i have started writing the outline for my first product. I did not know that i can use my videography expertise to make a digital product.
Terence Pera
Arvind says
What a wonderful and relatable post! I go through this quite a bit as I try to steer my sons toward design, drawing, art, etc…
Same goes for sports as I want both my kids to be competitive. I agree with EVERYTHING you have mentioned as that is how I have cultivated the mindset of being driven and taking ownership of your life.
It is difficult. It is challenging. It’s hard to go to a job everyday knowing you can do better and not fit the mold of the status quo . I gave a speech on “engagement” at work. The message was encouraging people to learn new ideas and increase their knowledge in other disciplines. You never know when another expertise can help open the window to other ideas whether it be at work or creating something outside of work that can supplement your income.
Excellent post. Really enjoyed it.
Shane Sams says
Thanks Arvind! So glad you enjoyed the post!
Darryl says
I’m so curious, how when you started did you get people to pay for your “ideas”?
There’s so many things I want to “do” “try” with my life. I’m 28, but I am ruled by fear.
Joey says
Very inspiring post! I love the quote, “Life is too short to do things you don’t want to do.” It’s true, but I’m still stuck and cannot break free from 9-5 life. I’m going to give myself a try for digital products, though! Thanks for inspiring!
One side note. If I ask my 4 y/o son, “Son, what do you like to do?” in a similar situation as yours, he would probably say that he just wants to go back home and watch Disney Junior, hahah!
Ruth says
I loved this article. It speaks to my heart! I have dreamed of starting my own business, but have never really done the work to get it going. You guys are so down to earth and real. I like that!
Lisa hopper says
Hi. Just wanted to say I really enjoyed your article. This hit home. One of my sons is wearing the Redhound jersey and the other is on the swim team. My oldest plays football, basketball, and runs track. He is great at all. My youngest never liked sports. At first I made him play. I then compromised, he had to try each sport once to see if he liked it. My main concern was too much time spent playing video games, watching tv, and no exercise or social interactions. He didn’t find a sport he especially liked. Swimming is new, but he picked it and seems happy.
Mark says
As a father with a nearly 2 year old son this kind of thing has gone through my head a LOT of times and I am glad you reminded me to forget what “everyone” says what to do. I teach 7th grade and try to teach my students to believe that they can do whatever they want but the world and life just push on you day after day after day to conform. It’s a battle that you still face it seems Shane at least in this area.
I need to apply this to my own fathering and my own resource for teachers.
What the world tells us is quite often limiting and paralyzing.